Holding space for my own pain is the hardest part about right now. It’s difficult as fuck. I mean, there’s a lot to my current situation, but allowing the sadness of many layers of it to really be felt is highly uncomfortable to say the least. Like, the “not getting out of bed for two … Continue reading
I want to scream at the sky for all the reasons I can’t know why can’t have prevented can’t prevent now for myself or anyone else walking into that sight It’s in my head and in my heart every single fucking day every hour, every minute all the things that I can’t change I don’t … Continue reading
It’s been 140 weeks since Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood took my son and we’re in the last week of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. The more I’ve sat with those two thoughts and tried to participate in activities geared toward the latter, the more I feel that they aren’t really related; the C … Continue reading
Some days all I do is miss you it comes out of the blue like a star fell and burned straight through my heart and it’s all I can do to get through the day without your arms reaching for me and I miss the feel of each individual finger of your left hand upon … Continue reading
It’s been 98 Fridays with a broken heart, 37 days until it’s been two years. I said that on Facebook this morning, and watched my (overall Facebook) likes fall by a handful- the kind comments have followed, but the former always strikes me. It seems like every time I post about losing Patrick I lose … Continue reading
Trigger warning: child loss When my father died, there came a cold, permanent reminder that sometimes, life is too short, and that death can come far too unpredictably, too soon. With Patrick’s death came the reality that my best, most difficult, lengthy, impassioned efforts that I couldn’t possibly care more about or pour more of … Continue reading
Because of you I know whom my world can do without and whom I would miss every single day if I couldn’t find so I connect Because of you I can take a breath or fifty or ten thousand and wait knowing full well that time is the only gift we can truly give and … Continue reading
How can one love be so wholly strength and kryptonite? One single candle lit that suddenly makes the world seem light Yours is the hand I hold each time I need to find the strength to try the questions posed by fear are always answered in your eyes I’ll jump off every ledge for you … Continue reading
In the wee hours of the morning the Peter Pan time between asleep and awake your eyes filled with tears and you cried to me for reasons I’ll never know if you were too hot or too cold had something amiss inside or something on your mind eyes that wouldn’t close change your position change … Continue reading
You have been nominated! Don’t worry, I’m not asking you to simultaneously freeze your ass off and waste water- in fact I’m asking you to use something you already have so it doesn’t go to waste. We’re all familiar with the ALS ice bucket challenge by now- it’s popularity has raised over $100 million dollars … Continue reading
