I’ve been meaning to write lately…. and by lately, I mean like every single day for days on end. It’s therapeutic for me (and BOY do I need therapy!) and some folks even say I’m good at it. I’m not sure what’s holding me back- I could make a thousand excuses, but we have time for the things we make time for and I know it.

I was going through my recent emails and got one from BlogHer and WordPress (where I am slowly transitioning this blog to, but ohhhh, is it hell!) that today marks the start of National Blog Post Month, (or, for some media-savvy-cutesy-whatever-reason, ‘NaBloPoMo‘. Are acronyms passe now, or what?) which coincides exactly with what I had been planning for the month of November and Thanksgiving, anyhow: Thirty Days of Gratitude, to help my heart and my mind refocus on what is really important to me via the avenue that is really important to me: I’m going to try and write a bit… something each day for 30 days (that’s how long they say it takes to drop/form a new habit!) and come up with 5 things per day that I am grateful for. Maybe I’ll lose some readers, maybe I’l gain some. My point, as always, is my own growth and in hopefully sharing some information and compassion along the way- but i have to start with myself.

I can’t keep trying to be perfect, waiting for the perfect time, the perfect subject matter. I chose progressive, not perfect, for a reason. I have to keep doing my best with what I have, when I can. So, here I am, Day One, checking in.

Today, I am grateful for the people who make me who I am: 

• My mom and grandparents. Halloween was rainy, but my grandma made corn muffins and chilli and my mom, both of my sisters and their daughters met up at her house and we got to spend time together in costumes, four generations under one roof. Last week, my dad’s parents were in town from Humboldt County (about 5 hours away) and we got to spend time with them, too. It is truly a blessing to have them so close.

Last Halloween- I was 8 months pregnant!

• My sisters. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without them No one can understand my silliness, quirks and communications better than they can. No one can understand the hugeness the of the pain of losing our daddy like they can. I can tell them absolutely anything without fear of judgement, with the knowledge that they will thell me the truth and love me through it.

•  My man. With both parenting, relationships, “God” and people, I think labels can help us grasp at things, but once we do, we find the labels confining, or the urge to deny our true selves in order to fulfill our projected image of the label we’ve placed upon ourselves. We’re not married, but we share kids. He’s not my boyfriend; that sounds like high school! He’s the redwood tree in my emotional storms, the opposite side of the same cut of fabric. He- sometimes by making me SO EFFING PISSED I WANT TO STAB SOMETHING is my perfect Zen gift- showing me exactly where I need growth, no matter how painful it may be.

•  My kids. Gosh darn it, those little guys are the best thing I’ve ever done in life. I don’t have much under my belt- I didn’t graduate college. (Though I did complete child development classes so as to not completely screw up my offspring when they uh… sprung.) I’ve never really travelled or got involved in much socially- I was 8 months pregnant on my 21st birthday. (Whee!) But my first birth -which was a waterbirth- changed me forever. I discovered gentle birthing and parenting and read voraciously. I learned about breastfed, slept with and wore my son during his first year, nearly a decade before I’d heard the terms, “attachment parent” “babywearing” or “cosleeping”. I also gave birth in a birthing center where they offer information on intactivism, (before there was THAT term) and not circumcision- something I am EXTRMELY grateful for, as well. (and so are my sons!)
  
• My super radtastical homie Progrents! If you’re confused about the terminology, it means you haven’t been hanging out with the almost 3,000 of us on Facebook. I’ve had some of the most challending times ever since my dad passed away from Melanoma. You can click on the “Grief” tab on my main page to read the handful of posts I’ve managed to excavate about it, if you feel so inclined. But talking with other people- reading some of the inspirational messages and posts on the wall, hearing comments, jokes, reassurances and constructive criticisms from you guys are what keep me going and inspire me to keep helping others by helping me. And I thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

I’m going to finish watching the first day’s heats of the O’Neil Cold Water Classic going on this week- like my description says (even though my local team just won the World Seried: arbitrary *WOOT GIANTS!*) I don’t watch baseball & football; I watch skateboarding & surfing. Because they’re rad. (If you want to get more information & perspective on fathering, surfing and parenting, my love just started a blog, The Dread Pirate Doyle, here.)

We’ll see how this whole NaBloPoMo (that is SO weird…) goes. We’ll see if anyone reads it, if my gratitude grows and my life improves. Stay tuned to find out! Thanks for checking in.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...