Phone rings at work How may I help I answer He has cancer She says Sinking in I begin counting hours breaths seconds of his Bracing myself because I know that he will and so my 6 year old inside rages and dies tearful fight of dark against light of what must be even if… Read More Drained


I died I want to die I am dying but I live and I want to because you once did I hurt I want my ache I am grieving bleeding and healing because love fills the space in the atomic ache and there you live


I want to scream at the sky for all the reasons I can’t know why can’t have prevented can’t prevent now for myself or anyone else walking into that sight It’s in my head and in my heart every single fucking day every hour, every minute all the things that I can’t change I don’t… Read More Flag


What you were just for a moment when I first beheld you tiny paper fingernails eyes as deep as the cosmos a perfect latch intact tiny care bears on your hat love between you and I like the sky The gendered normative of your gifted toys your favorite blanket the music you liked a spectrum… Read More Blues

SUDC Matters

It’s been 140 weeks since Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood took my son and we’re in the last week of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. The more I’ve sat with those two thoughts and tried to participate in activities geared toward the latter, the more I feel that they aren’t really related; the C… Read More SUDC Matters


It’s been 122 Fridays since I last held my littlest love. I count because I can’t help it. I count because he’s my son and he’ll never stop mattering to me. I count because numbers are something real that makes sense to me, unlike his absence, unlike SUDC. Patrick should be three and a half… Read More 122