California / child loss / grief / healing / patpatforever / progress / SUDC / triggers

Forboding Joy

Trigger warning: child loss When my father died,  there came a cold, permanent reminder that sometimes, life is too short, and that death can come far too unpredictably, too soon. With Patrick’s death came the reality that my best, most difficult, lengthy, impassioned efforts that I couldn’t possibly care more about or pour more of … Continue reading

child loss / friends / grief / loss / patpatforever / personal crap / progress / sisters

Small Graces in Small Places

  It was about a week after Patrick’s death that I chose to stop taking anti-depressants. What I was taking was wiping my mind clean every few minutes and I still have very few memories of the days immediately surrounding that time. I know I was surrounded by friends and flowers and well-wishes, but I … Continue reading

community / connectivity / grief / healing / love / patpatforever / personal crap / progress

Hesitation Station

I’m hesitating even writing this sentence. I’m stuck lately, my head and heart so full of comparisons and connections for my future (and that of my children) that it’s hard to move forward- or even sideways. Hesitation involves some special blend of procrastination and worry for me; putting things off until I’ve surveyed everything from every … Continue reading