Phone rings at work How may I help I answer He has cancer She says Sinking in I begin counting hours breaths seconds of his Bracing myself because I know that he will and so my 6 year old inside rages and dies tearful fight of dark against light of what must be even if … Continue reading
I died I want to die I am dying but I live and I want to because you once did I hurt I want my ache I am grieving bleeding and healing because love fills the space in the atomic ache and there you live Continue reading
Stay here I whisper to myself as the trigger tingle before the migraine of grief grows and nothing wanted more than escape I stay here in this hurt because it’s worth what came before and it’s worth what comes After Stay here stay here stay here please stay I rocked and rocked tears streaming clutching begging … Continue reading
Because grief is so varied and personal, there is no “normal” or “right” way to grieve, except to feel your way through it. This means people actively trying to move through and express their pain show it in a wide variety of ways outside of the behaviors people are used to seeing. We aren’t “Fine” and everyone knows it. Continue reading
Holding space for my own pain is the hardest part about right now. It’s difficult as fuck. I mean, there’s a lot to my current situation, but allowing the sadness of many layers of it to really be felt is highly uncomfortable to say the least. Like, the “not getting out of bed for two … Continue reading
It’s like I can’t remember what happiness looks like. Well, maybe that’s not it. It looks something like all my living children under my roof and the house a lived-in level of clean, healthy food to eat and access to nature. My bills are paid, my debt is relatively low, my living children are happy, … Continue reading
It’s been 140 weeks since Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood took my son and we’re in the last week of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. The more I’ve sat with those two thoughts and tried to participate in activities geared toward the latter, the more I feel that they aren’t really related; the C … Continue reading
I’ve always identified as a sympathetic person, but it wasn’t until I lost my son that I realized the imperative nature of empathy- not only when it comes to processing grief and helping others do the same, but in life in general. Not sure of the difference? This video is the shortest, easiest way I’ve … Continue reading
I’d love to have seen the sunrise but I missed it for fitful sleep seeking to behold my son’s eyes available only in dreams * I don’t have a sunrise picture and only read the details of Capture Your Grief this morning after waking up to Kaya barking at something outside. I got irritated, but … Continue reading
There are no words for how it feels for a phoenix to burn alive What it takes to make spark from ashes embracing embers every cell combusting fire born within There are no words only knowing the smoldering touch between beginning and end love and pain fullness and ache The miracle of surrendering into our … Continue reading
