There are no words for how it feels for a phoenix to burn alive What it takes to make spark from ashes embracing embers every cell combusting fire born within There are no words only knowing the smoldering touch between beginning and end love and pain fullness and ache The miracle of surrendering into our … Continue reading
It’s been 122 Fridays since I last held my littlest love. I count because I can’t help it. I count because he’s my son and he’ll never stop mattering to me. I count because numbers are something real that makes sense to me, unlike his absence, unlike SUDC. Patrick should be three and a half … Continue reading
Maya Angelou’s death was announced last night to the media and to me this morning by my mother texting me in tears… the fact that her life and death have moved such a wide variety of people so deeply speaks again to me about the power of words, of having the courage to be authentic and vulnerable … Continue reading
We get the tang of it before the hang of it; the two are polar sides of the same hidden end of grief. The instant parents lose a child, we gain armament in equal weight to the love we hold, and it serves as the vessel through which each of us will not only … Continue reading
So this is what happens when I try to sit down and write in the morning: “_____________________ … Shit. I can’t think. Maybe it will help if I light some candles. Okay. I’m going to do this. Here goes. Open Firefox aaannnd… Facebook! Wait shit, no, not Facebook. Songza. Okay. ‘Downtempo Instrumentals’ sounds good, I hope … Continue reading
I had a dream when I was up at my grandparents last weekend that I don’t want to lose, even though it tears me apart, puts me to shame, and brings regret bubbling to the surface to rear its ugly head moreso than almost anything I can recall. It’s not that it was a nightmare, at … Continue reading
I was reorganizing in the kitchen today and found Patrick’s food mill… Over half of the food that ever went into his body was made by my hands with it. He loved sweet potatoes- I used to call him my little sweet potato, especially after letting him touch/explore what was left after eating. (aka: wipe … Continue reading
Each morning with the growing light My eyes constricting from the sight I fumble back from dreamless night A lightning bolt within me strikes and I know that something is just not right A reverse process begins within my frame Every day since the one has started much the same My thoughts fall through the … Continue reading
Gosh, I’m so picky! No wonder I haven’t been writing. I’ve had to adjust the lighting, change the music, redirect the angle of the blinds, get more coffee, check on the kids, check my email, use the bathroom, get MORE coffee, adjust my chair, put my hair back up, and finally just sit the hell … Continue reading
I started writing another epic Facebook status update earlier and realized, like my friend Ruthie said, I’ve been writing all along… just not here. With how senseless FB has been in banning me over picture after picture of baby booty or babies on boobies, it seems silly of me to be such a mule for … Continue reading
