I have felt the weight of you
since you were a twinkle in a star’s eye
before either of us knew you were you
I loved you with my whole heart
before you were half the size of it
and with my whole self
before I even knew my capacity

I sang and we danced
my feet on the carpet
yours floating, unseen
but I know that you could hear me
I could feel you within
and you were dancing, too

You slowly filled my life with yours
and I was grateful you’d chosen me
because I also had to choose.

Every choice that I made
you were in my consciousness
You made me stretch and grow

I always knew the process of separation
would cause something known as pain
that I would be overwhelmed
It was more than that
Splitting oneself into two

When the time came to part
it was sooner than I knew
Knees weak, one spark left
I screamed from my chest
and I called for you

We were divided
before I had a choice or a chance
to say goodbye to the me I knew
and take in this new form of you
I held you with shaking arms
awash with tears and sweat
exhausted and resigned
amazed I survived
the transition

I held you to my chest
unable to let go
lost in our world
I lay awake
and repeat the process
nightly.

For more of my poetry, click here.

October is SIDS, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.

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